Sometimes when we’re in the thick of our journey, we can’t underestimate the growth that is actually occurring.
Take me for instance. Always someone who was constantly bowled over by cravings and urges for junk food, once things started to even out in my journey, it was hard for me to realize the sheer progress I had made, as compared to where I began.
It looks like things are the same, because it’s relative. The cravings are still there, the urges to eat more than I mean to, sometimes eating some junky foods I wish I hadn’t…gaining a few pounds here and there.
The problem is, these types of things are still accompanied by seemingly the same level of guilt as I used to feel with “slipping” back in the day, before I was a Nutritarian.
It’s a disproportionate amount of guilt, though, because my “weaknesses” nowadays are much different than they used to be when I got started.
Now when I crave things, it’s almost always for healthy Nutritarian foods: like nuts, seeds, fruit, some non-descript carbs, and a lot of the times it’s just a general craving that I can’t even match to a food that would satisfy it. And when I do “overeat”, the quantities are not even comparable to before.
When I eat more than I should, it’s generally that I have had more soup along with my salad than I meant, or I added a few extra nuts to my smoothie, or I had 2 bananas with nut butter rather than one.
Or when I gain a pound or two or three, it’s always followed by a weight loss again, to very close to where I started…or even lower than the original weight. A.k.a.: easy weight maintenance-ish.
Even if I feel just as guilty as I did before when I used to diet SAD-style, my “slips” are nothing compared to what they used to be. Like eating 4-6 different whole entire bags/boxes of processed junk in one night, plus a few slices of pizza and the next day moving on to the Starbucks and more junk at night, then a weekend full of restaurant meals plus some more store-bought junk, etc etc etc etc etc…….story of my “former” life.
It was so much more dramatic in my past than it is now.
But it’s so easy to get caught up in feeling just as guilty for a slip now, until I really sit and think for a moment of that actual difference.
I am working on my feelings of guilt now. Trying to re-calibrate my current-day “slips” to a more proportionate amount of guilt (or lack of, ideally) and at the same time, trying to keep on my game to where I don’t expose myself to too much off foods, to avoid a slippery slope. (Though, admittedly, slippery slopes aren’t as slippery as they used to be.)
I recently started watching The Great British Baking Show on Netflix and have fallen in love with the humor, the contestants, the hosts, and the fun of watching a cooking show again..….but (just today!) realized/admitted to myself that this has been contributing a LOT to recent annoying cravings…and so I will re-adjust and “give up” this show, starting tomorrow.
Because I know that, as a highly-craving- and food-addiction-susceptible person, I need to be careful of the input that arrives around me.
It’s annoying to have to give this show up, but its more annoying to have cravings for baked goods when I haven’t had any in months and months.
We’ve got to keep our brains clear to remain on our game as much as we can.
And realizing when we are improving and getting better at this is just as important as the getting better itself.
This is the true healing that occurs the longer we do this. And it’s on a spectrum for all of us, and it all occurs at different times for each of us.
But we Just Keep Going to give ourselves the best chance at that, that we can. Because we all deserve more peace around this food thing.
We all really do.
Sending so much love and encouragement just this couple days before Christmas. Holiday season is ALMOST over, you got this.
