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So I was on a 2-week bender full of Oreos and pasta. Old school eating habits…like WAY old school. Having been pescetarian for almost 2 years now, dairy and pasta and anything but shrimp being the very rarest of foods I would eat, I was surprised when I couldn’t make myself eat a vegetable to save my life in the past couple weeks.

But Why??

There’s a lot of factors that contribute, I think. Having discovered 20 minute chocolate coconut ice cream. Seriously, I don’t recommend it. It’s too good. Okay, I’ll put the recipe up later.

Having PMS. Being told by doctors that I need to cut out salt because of my kidney stones. The high amounts of water I now drink. Everything kinda came together and made me a little crazy. Where I was all “EFF this crap!” And just started shopping in the center of the grocery store – which I pretty much never do. I felt out of control, for the first time in a long time.

See, I pretty much always delight in eating vegetables and fruits now. It’s been really exciting to try out new foods and recipes and be one of the few who actually enjoys eating healthy stuff. I have come up with all these techniques for making healthy stuff taste delicious…to the point where my never-eats-healthy, ex-truck driver brother Nate would try stuff I’d make and be like, “HOLY SHIT. I DIDN’T KNOW THIS STUFF COULD TASTE LIKE THIS.”

And now I’m seriously converting him, which feels amazing.

And then it feels seriously hypocritical for the week or two occasionally where I get like I was YESTERDAY. You can picture it. Zombie like motions. At the grocery store, gravitating towards the bad stuff that you KNOW won’t make you happy yet you walk there, pick it up and buy it anyway. And you get home and start eating it, usually a little too quickly, and all the while you know you’re going to feel terrible for doing it later, but you can’t stop.

The Downward Spiral

I bought fresh pasta and canned pasta sauce and Oreos. And chips. And Publix subs (’cause, c’mon, Publix subs). And Starbucks. And egg salad sandwiches. WTF?!

These things are such a rare part of my diet…the last time I had actual Doritos was like…probably sometime in the previous decade.

And here I was eating all these foods in the same day. Out. Of. Control.

Can you relate with me?

So that’s what brings me to today. I start my period and MAGICALLY have the self-control and desire to actually throw the bad stuff out. In the garbage disposal goes a sandwich. Leftover Oreos. Fresh pasta. What a waste of money, but I’ve got to get ahold of myself.

I find the best way for me to stay on track is to literally keep the bad stuff out of the house. Because it’s a rare occasion also where I’ll actually leave the house to get bad stuff. And it’s rare that even driving by a bad food place or being in the grocery store that I’ll choose bad stuff. So when I keep it out of my house, I do so much better. (Except for last 2 weeks.)

“It’s How I Was Raised”

And binge eating habits like this have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I wasn’t raised in the healthiest manner, typical Midwestern family, casseroles and fast food. My parents meant well, of course, but well…health wasn’t a huge part of our lives.

When I chose to get healthy at age 19, it turned into a lifelong project. On the wagon. Off the wagon. And I admit, I probably have some addictive tendancies…at least half of my immediate family are literal addicts. So food tends to be my weakness. And it’s not the easiest of things to get past. A lot of crying, hardship and disgust with yourself. I haven’t ever gone so far as to be anorexic or bulimic, though honestly, I have actually *tried*…

But even without addiction running in your family, I think it’s easy to be addicted to food nowadays. Especially in this country. I read a book recently, called Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille, that sheds a whole lot of light on the subject. I was extremely surprised to learn that his code for food is FUEL. That the average American doesn’t view food in the loving way that I do. That typically we all view it as more of a thing that just has to be done. Not a thing that deserves time and care and interest.

So it’s no wonder that we have a disconnect when we go into binge eating mode. Even though I love food more than just fuel, I do feel that he is right when he explains that concept.

And not to mention the rest of the book is totally incredible. Learning about our patterns when it comes to love, sex and a lot more. Really informative. Get Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille on Amazon using my affiliate link, if you care to. It’s really worth the read.

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So I’ve been in the getting healthy game for about 15 years now. It’s proven to be a very interesting journey, and one that’s full of self-improvement and introspection. Wavering between crushing disappointment in myself and generally short-lived triumph and success. Usually in a state of “This is only temporary.” This weight, this feeling, this binging. This weight loss. This “my clothes fit!” feeling. Always temporary.

Luckily, the thing that hasn’t changed in me is my desire to start again. To be healthy again. To feel better again. It always comes back.

What Changed In Me Last Time

And not since I discovered Nutritarianism, which is a concept coined by Dr. Joel Fuhrman in his book Eat to Live, have I really come much closer to making permanent changes in my life. His book just makes sense to me. Eat as many nutrients as possible so that you can live a longer and healthier life. And side benefit is weight loss. I can’t argue with it at all. I’ve tried, but the evidence is so astounding.

#etl baby!!

Eat to Live

Eat to Live

So that’s my preferred lifestyle. And it happens to fit in nicely with the trials I’ve been facing with my kidney stones lately too.

Nutritarianism is a 90% vegan, no salt, no oil, no sugar diet. Anything you get in the way of salt, fat or oil comes from plant foods, like avocados and nuts and seeds. And the best part is, once you’ve done it for a while, your tastebuds are supposed to go back to natural…as in able to appreciate the salt in natural foods, whereas salt in processed foods tastes way too salty.

And your responses to hunger also become readjusted to normal, which is that you don’t get that shaky, need to eat, irritable hangry type feeling anymore.

And I have to say that trying to make this nutritarian lifestyle my own for the past 2 years has really gotten me pretty close to those coveted states of being. And I am ready, now after this 2 week bender that I’ve been on, to really commit again.

How I’ll Get It Back

So I’m going to do a 42 Day Challenge, that I’m putting myself on. Fuhrman says that if you go for 6 weeks on a Nutritarian diet, strictly, that you will get to these states and it will be so much easier to be there for life.

I did it in the middle of 2013 successfully, and I think it really did help. Except I didn’t do it very well, I was in a sort of Starter Paralyzed State, and I only made 2-3 meals the entire time. I ate the SAME THING for 6 weeks straight and it really kinda messed me up a bit.

So this time, since I’ve learned a lot more recipes and have a much great understanding of how to cook like this when I’m busy, I will be mixing it up a lot and keeping myself interested. And hopefully you too!

Please join me! Follow along!

So that’s a bit about my really terrible and weird relationship with food. I had to get it out. I’ve been meaning to write it for a while, and I hope to add in more as I go. Because even though I might be at a decent weight and never *very* overweight, I’ve certainly ALWAYS struggled with it.

And we gotta keep it real with each other.

More to come about the 42 Day Nutritarian Challenge in my next post.


Can you relate with any of this crazy behavior? C’mon, you can tell me. :)